So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
