It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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