sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
only you would photoshop your dick
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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