You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
