There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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