Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
