chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
