i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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