The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
