my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
