Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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