i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
