is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize