I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
