I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
