UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
