the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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