Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
