Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
