I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
