Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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