Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
