I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
