I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
