I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
