suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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