I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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