On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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