i love accidental penises.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
