Banned from zoo.
Again?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How does it feel to date your dad?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
