JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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