Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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