I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You did what with his pubic hair?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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