I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
is it fun? or sober?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize