i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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