I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
