I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I believe in your delicious
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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