i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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