Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
