Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My vagina is very pro this idea
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
