apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
