I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
