Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
