I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Text me some of your sweat
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
