Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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