u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
