I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
try to milk me bitch
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
