do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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