I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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