i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
