You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
