I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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