Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
