I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
