Don't make out with my wife yet
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
