I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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