That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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