Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
