Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
