so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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