Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
