It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My bed smells like the plague
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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