Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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