The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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