I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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