Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I want her autograph on my taint
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
