nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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