I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
