Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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