this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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