I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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