I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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