Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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