i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
