I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
