Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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