Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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