he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
