i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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