A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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